Do you ever feel like you’re not on the right path?
Like you were meant to do more?
For me, confidence never seemed to come very naturally. In fact, it wasn’t until I reached my late 20’s, that I started to make the changes necessary to live life fully.
Throughout my teen years, and early adulthood, I’d held onto the belief that I wasn’t worthy of my dreams. I had thoughts of doing more, but self doubt would stop me in my tracks.
I’d look around at the confident people in my life and think, “They’re lucky to be so confident and ambitious… It must be so easy for them.”
Before I’d even given myself room to dream of the life I desired, I would write myself off. I had a whole list of reasons (or, let’s call them what they are...excuses) that I couldn’t reach my goals. So, I never really tried...
Instead of dreaming big, I assumed the worst, and submitted to the life I thought I was doomed to live out.
I thought, “I’ll just end up getting married,then we’ll buy a house and start a family.”
I, like so many others who suffer from insecurities, allowed the thoughts and expectations of those closest to me to dictate my actions.
If my friends and parents were happy with me and my decisions, I felt like I was doing the “right” thing. If they were disappointed or surprised, I would be left feeling hopeless.
Something I’ve come to learn is that, at its core, people-pleasing is rooted in self-doubt and fear of rejection.
This became painfully apparent when I went through a breakup with a serious boyfriend. I thought without him, I was nothing. For so long, I’d relied on his approval to feel good, and give me direction. So the breakup felt like I’d hit rock bottom. The rejection shook me to my core and I was a total mess. I wallowed in my
own self-pity, and reaffirmed the limiting belief that I was defective and unworthy by repeating negative stories about my past.
My self-worth was so closely tied to my relationships, that I never felt like I was in control of my life.
Then I met a girl named Marie. Marie was everything I wasn’t-- confident, brave, and not afraid to set goals and go after them!
One day, we were walking in the park in our neighborhood, and she told me straight to my face that she couldn’t understand how someone like me wasn’t out there making more of myself.
At first, her comment really hurt my feelings. I thought, “How dare she tell me something like that without even knowing me!”
She didn’t know that I grew up in a house with parents that constantly spoke out against my ideas. She didn’t know that I’d made countless mistakes, and that I simply wasn’t cut out for more.
I spent a few days feeling offended, and insulted before my perspective finally shifted, and I decided that maybe there was some truth in what Marie was saying.
As it turns out, she wasn’t insulting me at all, she was simply noticing that I wasn’t living my life authentically, and challenged my self-defeating story.
Marie saw something in me that I’d been working very hard to ignore—the part of me that was not only capable of more, but was craving it.
Marie spent her winters in France at a ski station. I thought she was so interesting, and I wanted to be like her. My jealousy of her lifestyle ended up being the mirror that helped me to see that I wanted more out of my life.
Marie talked about how people would travel and work in ski stations for the season and spend their free time on the slopes. I was all ears as I imagined spending my days burning turns.
But then reality set in... I was so broke at the time, so heartbroken, and I believed that everything was against me.
I almost got in my own way again, but I felt that I had to do something different. So, I started taking small action toward my new dream, and worked to ignore the voice in my head that told me it could never happen.
At the time, I didn’t understand that big goals could be reached through small, consistent actions.
I wasn’t sure that things would work out, but I decided to believe in myself anyway.
Just as you might expect, a lot of the people closest to me were not that supportive. I was branching out in a way they hadn’t seen, and they shared their concern by telling me that I couldn’t do it. I was so scared, but I kept going.
The suffering I had experienced as a result of turning away from my true desires, was unbearable. Something had to change, and I was finally willing to make it happen.
My little steps added up, and I was getting closer and closer to my goal. My furniture was packed into my Dad's storage, my visa was ready, and my flight was booked. ‘
I only had 300 euro left in my pocket, but I couldn’t back out, not this time. I had no guaranteed job, or even a place to stay. I was terrified, but I reminded myself to just try! What was the worst that could happen? If all else failed, I could call my Dad, let him know that I’d failed, and ask for help. It wasn’t something that I wanted to do, but it was comforting to remind myself that even if things weren’t “okay” they’d still be okay.
To my surprise, everything worked out well! I won’t tell you that was easy, because it wasn’t, but everything worked out.
Moving to work at a ski station was the beginning of an extraordinary journey where suddenly everything became possible.
I found myself in a new place where I was surrounded by people who were confident in themselves, who knew what they wanted from their lives, and as a result, I started to discover who I really was.
Since then, I’ve travelled by myself a lot. After two whole years in France, I moved to west Canada. I took with me a passion for mountains and mountain towns. I started believing that I was worthy and capable of doing more for myself. By stepping out of my comfort zone, I found the confidence I’d desired. I started listening to my heart, and not the opinion of others.
The last 11 years have been a period of transformation for me. My confidence and self-worth have grown enormously since I started taking actions toward my best life.
Now, I help other women take leaps of faith in themselves, and build the confidence that they deserve.
I really enjoy guiding and mentoring like-minded women and watching them grow and achieve goals on the path to living life on their own terms.
Want to learn more about my journey, and my coaching programs?
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